I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
