Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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