you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
