Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
