when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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