this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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