'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
