I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize