I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
