so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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