The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
