hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
