I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
