The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
