weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
me + whiskey = a bad person
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
