i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
