I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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