Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
