The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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