All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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