woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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