I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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