i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
