my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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