So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You work out of a Hotel?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
