he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
