The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
