No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
