So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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