One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i out mim tonsoeep
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