whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
