I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
