i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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