you're like a bully in the Christmas story
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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