What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
