I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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