I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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