The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
what day is it and did you see me today?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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