Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
