this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
