My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
