she pinky promised me she was 18
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
