WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
