Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
