If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
