I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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