i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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