my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
