she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
