Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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