I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
